Leaders learn the art of diplomatic and frank speech. Leaders who consciously or subconsciously refuse to learn this art will inevitably lead organizations and ministries that are either overly passive or overly aggressive.
Leaders must learn where they are imbalanced. No one is perfectly balanced—except Jesus (more on this below). I am frankly aggressively imbalanced. Not a shocker to anyone who knows me. I highly value frank communication. By the Spirit’s power—over time—I’ve navigated many difficult situations and conversations. Just shoot me straight from your perspective, and I’ll do the same.
This serves me well…until it doesn’t. When doesn’t it serve me well? When I have not invested the time and energy into a depth of relationship. Trust must be high for frank dialogue. If relational trust is low I must temper my vocabulary, think before I speak, and speak slowly when I do.
Because of my positional leadership role as the “senior pastor” (a title I rarely use), I have learned to be very careful in what I say to leaders (paid and non-paid) who are not my direct report. My voice will have disproportionate influence that could damage trust with my direct reports.
What are three problems of overly aggressive leadership?
You are viewed as a jerk. You’ll run people over. You’re viewed as uncaring and unkind, though people probably won’t tell you out of fear of how you’ll react. This is not the way of Jesus.
You struggle building a team. Your pride suffocates the ideas of the team. Your big personality pushes away the needed passive voice. This is also not the way of Jesus.
Your vision is not embraced by all. Overly frank leaders have an easier time casting vision. The problem is that it is their vision…and only their vision. The team does not collectively own the vision. Again, this is not the way of Jesus.
You could probably offer more problems of aggressively imbalanced speech, but these are my top three. Feel free to come up with your own list (read mild passively aggressive tone). 😀
I have discovered over time, and through my doctoral research, that my imbalance for aggressively frank, differentiated speech is not the norm. I’ve discovered through research and observation that most pastors and paid church leaders are passively imbalanced. They are overly diplomatic.
What is the problem if a leader is passively imbalanced?
Here are my top three problems with leadership passivity.
You avoid conflict. Sometimes at all costs. Keep the peace. You desperately try to fix the problems of other people or pretend they don’t exist. This is not the way of Jesus.
You also struggle to build a team. You either get run over by strong voices, or you build a team of passive, and potentially lazy, leaders. You talk a lot about what could be, but resist taking much action. Too much action means change. Change will upset some people. That is too risky. This is also not the way of Jesus.
You have no vision. Okay, maybe that is overly aggressive. Forgive me. You likely want to borrow the vision of others. You think leadership is rinsing and repeating what other leaders did and said. You hesitate to cast your contextually unique vision. It is too risky. Change will require too much. The status quo is best, safest. You choose short-term pleasure. Long-term pain will come, but you hope to outlive it before it does. Again, this is not the way of Jesus.
LCMS leaders have developed a passively aggressive culture. I have written and spoken on this many times. In general, we are culturally passively imbalanced. Also, collectively, we don’t handle stress well, especially our pastors. Here is the struggle: When change or conflict comes (hello decline of the LCMS; hello decline in church workers), we revert to passive-aggressive behavior. This is not unique to the LCMS. This is what anxious families, churches, organizations, and countries do.
We fuse ourselves to leaders who we think can solve our problems. We become increasingly tribal, looking for others to fix our problems through simple solutions (hello everyone should simply do what I did and go to the seminary).
We divorce ourselves from differentiated voices who challenge our presuppositions. We label. We corner. We narrow. We protect.
Oh, the wretched sinners we are. Who can save us…from us?
Jesus. The work of Jesus. His perfect righteousness covers and forgives our sin. We are not defined by our overly aggressive or passive behaviors. We are defined by our baptism. We are all equally children of God.
Jesus. The words of Jesus. Jesus perfectly knew when to comfort the brokenhearted and downtrodden. Jesus perfectly knew when to challenge the pharisaical tendencies, which exist in every human heart.
Jesus. The way of Jesus. Jesus chose to humble Himself to the point of death on the cross. Jesus didn’t need anyone other than His Father to define Himself. Jesus built a team of 120 over three years that, by the Spirit’s power, multiplied His message to millions within four centuries.
By faith, we are beneficiaries of Jesus’ perfectly diplomatic and frank speech. Jesus is the healthiest human of all time. Duh. Jesus is kind of a big deal.
Here is the question: Do LCMS leaders at every level (synod office, district offices, down to circuits and congregations) want to grow in balancing diplomatic and frank speech? If so, our synod will weather the inevitable trials of leading into an unknown future in a post-Christian and secularized culture. If not, Christ’s Church will continue to grow, it simply may not be influenced by the amazing confessional Lutheran theology found in the LCMS.
Leader, do not worry about things or people you can’t control. Simply model the balanced diplomatic and frank speech you would like to see in others. I believe if enough leaders made this choice, our synod could heal and thrive once again!
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